There is a pumpkin sitting by my piano; it is remarkable in several aspects:
1) It has been in my house for almost a year—since the first serious frost of Autumn 2007. If I were a real gardener, I would know the exact day because I would keep track all matters weather-related, but I am a pretend gardener, so I don't. Still, that pumpkin has been in my house for a long time. All of its brethren are gone.
2) It has a Kinoki footpad on it. The reasons for this are scientific. The experiment is not mine. The results will be published soon.
3) When the Kinoki footpad is removed, it will reveal that the pumpkin is without toxins. It is a paragon of pumpkin purity, despite the little scabs of garden dirt it has worn for all these months.
The evidence is clear: like Dixie the Weiner Dog, my pumpkin harbors no evil inclinations.
There is a squirrel building a nest in the green ash tree in the backyard. It’s intentions may be less than pure. Norman-the-Dog certainly thinks so. . .and so does his arch-nemesis, Jake-the-Dog-Next-Door.
That squirrel may, in fact, be hanging around hoping my pumpkin goes all promiscuous and alcoholic. Type “drunk squirrel” into You Tube and you’ll know whereof I speak.
Thus far, it has been impossible to put a Kinoki footpad on the squirrel.